Kid Funnies

I truly believe I have some of the funniest kids on this planet. Some of the things they say and do leave my husband and me in hysterics. Allow me to share with you just a few samples of things that have happened over the years...

I recently took the girls with me on my normal 2 mile walk. I realize 2 miles is a long way for anyone, but the girls impressed me. They kept up with me fairly well and we only had to stop twice to rest. We were just a few blocks from home when they really started to 'feel the burn' and the whining ensued. Panting like a dog, Lily looks up at me with her crystal blue eyes and says, "Mom, next time? Let's take the CAR!"
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Towards the end of the school year, Ivy was introduced to soccer in gym class. She came home one day and began to tell me all about it. I thought to myself that if it was something she was interested in, there was a program at the local Y and I would enroll her. After a few moments of hearing minor details I asked if she liked playing soccer. She replied matter of factly, "Yeah, except for all the running!"
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Last summer, our family was lazing around the living room one evening while enjoying a television show. Suddenly, our dog (Skippy Joe), began running from one window to the next as if a prowler was about to break in and slay us all. Of course he caught our attention as he bulldozed over at least two of the children on the floor. We all watched him for several seconds as he ran from one window to the next and then, as quickly as it had started, it stopped. He went to his bed and laid back down. My step son, Christian, went to the front window to see if there was anything suspicious. He turned to us and said, "Hmmm... he must have heard a dog whistle or something." We all quickly returned our attention to the television. After several minutes, Ivy pipes up, "Hey! Dogs don't whistle!" The whole family erupted in laughter.
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Earlier this year, the day before Lily's 8th birthday, I stood at the stove preparing dinner. I had began having the girls take turns helping me make dinner every evening. This particular evening it happened to be Lily's turn. We were making small talk and enjoying our time together with no interruptions when I realized that it was almost her birthday. I turned to her and said, "So? Are you ready to be eight?" She looked at me. Her eyes opened widely. She took a step back and in almost a panicked voice said, "No, Momma!" Confused by her response, I said, "You're not? What? You don't want to be eight?" It was at that moment I realized what was happening. My little seven year old girl saw me standing in front of a stove, stirring the contents of pots and pans as they were steaming in front of me. She thought I was asking her if she was ready to be ate, as in eaten, and not eight, as in another year older. Damn the English language and its confusing homophones!