For the last 9 + months, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. We were successful the first month we started trying, but sadly, I miscarried just a few days after finding out the good news. This has been a wicked roller coaster ride that I am ready to exit!
I was not prepared for the heartache. I naively assumed it would be easy for us. Boy, was I wrong! All the temping, the charting, the hip propping, the business sex, the ovulation test strips, the pregnancy tests, the vitamins, the anticipation, the waiting, the disappointment, the tears... I feel a hundred years older than when we started.
Currently, my period is late by about 4 days but the pregnancy tests are negative. This is the worst part, I think. My body is staging a revolt against me and there seems to be nothing I can do but stand by and watch this nonsense. It's irritating to say the least.
I curse all the years I spent on birth control, praying that I wouldn't get pregnant. Granted, I would not want a child with anyone but my husband, but I fear that I have wasted my fertility. My biological clock is ticking so loudly that I have to concentrate to hear anything else.
I do know, however, that God is faithful and good. He is working all things together for my good. He knows my heart and the desires of it and is holding me close as we walk through this fire together. I have prayed that if having a child is not in His will the desire to do so would be removed from my heart. Since praying that difficult prayer, the desire has only gotten stronger. I know that means my God is going to bless me. I just need to wait for Him.
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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