Ok, where was I? Oh, yes yes... I called Skip. My mom was shocked. I thought the whole thing was done. Until a few months ago...
I happened to be on one of my usual phone calls with my mom when she sounded a little... odd. I could tell something was up just by the tone of her voice. She finally got the courage up to spill the beans and let me know that something was definitely going on. Here's how it went down:
Her: I need to tell you something.
Me: *nervous laugh* Okaaaay.
Her: I've sort of been talking to someone.
Me: How do you sort of talk? Do you just make sounds without moving your lips? Or do you actually move your lips without making any sounds?
Her: You know what I mean. Stop being a smart aleck.
Me: Sorry, sorry. Ok, who have you been moving your lips at?
Her: Tonya! I'm being serious.
Me: Ok ok, sorry. I'm being serious now too. *ahem* Who?
Her: Well... I saw in the paper a while ago that Skip and his wife filed for divorce.
Me: WHAT?!
Her: So, I called him. He didn't answer, but I left a message with my number and he called me right back. We've been talking every day for hours and we want to get together in person.
Ok, enough of the back and forth... you get the idea. And now you see what my family has to deal with. I really am a smart aleck. Anyways... I knew when I called him a year and a half ago that he was married. I had no intention of influencing that in any way. I instantly felt like a horrible person. A home wrecker. I was sure that my phone call was the reason they were divorcing.
My mom assured me that that was not the case. Apparently, they had been separated for over a year and his wife finally decided to file. They had been living in Florida together but she (Skip's wife) moved back to Ohio and filed there. That's how my mom saw it in the paper. So, apparently, it wasn't my fault afterall (whew!). I felt better, but not quite ok with the whole thing.
So, then she proceeds to tell me that instead of coming up to visit us this summer as previously planned, she wants to fly to Florida and visit the man who broke her heart 30 years ago. Uh... what? Now, before I sound like a selfish five year old who doesn't want to share her candy with her bratty cousin who only visits on holidays, let me explain to you why this upset me so much.
My father has always chosen his wife (previous and/or current) over me. When I was a child, I never got to see him because she wouldn't allow it. And now, he won't come up and visit us because his new wife would rather go visit HER family and apparently they cannot be separated for longer than a few moments. This has been a painful occurrence that I have had to deal with my whole life. I never, not once, ever expected to be treated the same way by my mother. Ever.
Now, I could completely understand if we lived in the same town, or even the same state, and saw each other often. But, we do not. She sees me and my children only once a year. And during those annual visits, has only stayed for two weeks at the most. Mind you, she works in the school system so she has her summers off, but absolutely refuses to give us more than two weeks of it. Suddenly, she's trading her two weeks with us for FOUR weeks with Skip. A man she hasn't laid eyes on in THIRTY YEARS. Is it making more sense to you now?
In fact, she called me to tell me that even though we had already agreed and planned for her to come up here and visit her grandchildren that she rarely sees, she's decided to fly to Florida instead and that maybe, just maybe, she would make it up here later in the summer. She hoped I would understand. Yep, I sure do! I definitely see where her priorities are and it's painfully obvious that they're not with her daughter, son in law, and grandchildren.
Since she's been in Florida, I've talked to her a few times. Most of the time she teases me for a few minutes that she has run off and married Skip. She thinks it's funny. I don't. I almost always find myself crying after we hang up. It's not a joke to me. If she wants to marry him, fine. I would prefer to meet him first. And I don't think that's too much to ask. I want to see him myself. See how they interact with one another. Make sure that he's reciprocating her feelings and this isn't a one sided relationship based on 30 years of heartbreak and what could have been's.
So, on to the 'change' part. The biggest change will be that my mom is in a relationship with a man for the first time in 30 years. That's a big deal. As I said before, I have never seen her with a man in a romantic setting. Ever. Well, at least not that I can remember. The next thing I have already seen changing is the way my mom interacts with me and my family. She's already blown us off for the summer. Yeah, she's not coming up later this summer (after she gets home from Florida) like she said when she changed the summer plans the first time. She said she would come up after she visited Florida. Come to find out, she's not leaving Florida as scheduled. She's skipping her flight all together and they're driving back to Ohio later this month. Yes, I said "they're". He's coming too. He's going to live with her for the school year. In my house. The house my mom rents from us. Without being married. And without asking us if that's ok.
Instead, she wants to come up and visit us for Thanksgiving. Ok, so, let's totally scrap the two weeks she promised in summer... when the kids most look forward to having her here... because it happens every summer... and let's trade it for a 4 day weekend when I'll spend most of the time cooking and cleaning, and traveling to pick up/drop off my stepkids. Oh, and let's not even ask if that's ok. Let's just make the plans and go ahead with it. Want to?
Do I sound a tad miffed? Hmmm... wonder why?
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