The Only Thing Certain Is Change (Part II)

Ok, where was I? Oh, yes yes... I called Skip. My mom was shocked. I thought the whole thing was done. Until a few months ago...

I happened to be on one of my usual phone calls with my mom when she sounded a little... odd. I could tell something was up just by the tone of her voice. She finally got the courage up to spill the beans and let me know that something was definitely going on. Here's how it went down:

Her: I need to tell you something.
Me: *nervous laugh* Okaaaay.
Her: I've sort of been talking to someone.
Me: How do you sort of talk? Do you just make sounds without moving your lips? Or do you actually move your lips without making any sounds?
Her: You know what I mean. Stop being a smart aleck.
Me: Sorry, sorry. Ok, who have you been moving your lips at?
Her: Tonya! I'm being serious.
Me: Ok ok, sorry. I'm being serious now too. *ahem* Who?
Her: Well... I saw in the paper a while ago that Skip and his wife filed for divorce.
Me: WHAT?!
Her: So, I called him. He didn't answer, but I left a message with my number and he called me right back. We've been talking every day for hours and we want to get together in person.

Ok, enough of the back and forth... you get the idea. And now you see what my family has to deal with. I really am a smart aleck. Anyways... I knew when I called him a year and a half ago that he was married. I had no intention of influencing that in any way. I instantly felt like a horrible person. A home wrecker. I was sure that my phone call was the reason they were divorcing.

My mom assured me that that was not the case. Apparently, they had been separated for over a year and his wife finally decided to file. They had been living in Florida together but she (Skip's wife) moved back to Ohio and filed there. That's how my mom saw it in the paper. So, apparently, it wasn't my fault afterall (whew!). I felt better, but not quite ok with the whole thing.

So, then she proceeds to tell me that instead of coming up to visit us this summer as previously planned, she wants to fly to Florida and visit the man who broke her heart 30 years ago. Uh... what? Now, before I sound like a selfish five year old who doesn't want to share her candy with her bratty cousin who only visits on holidays, let me explain to you why this upset me so much.

My father has always chosen his wife (previous and/or current) over me. When I was a child, I never got to see him because she wouldn't allow it. And now, he won't come up and visit us because his new wife would rather go visit HER family and apparently they cannot be separated for longer than a few moments. This has been a painful occurrence that I have had to deal with my whole life. I never, not once, ever expected to be treated the same way by my mother. Ever.

Now, I could completely understand if we lived in the same town, or even the same state, and saw each other often. But, we do not. She sees me and my children only once a year. And during those annual visits, has only stayed for two weeks at the most. Mind you, she works in the school system so she has her summers off, but absolutely refuses to give us more than two weeks of it. Suddenly, she's trading her two weeks with us for FOUR weeks with Skip. A man she hasn't laid eyes on in THIRTY YEARS. Is it making more sense to you now?

In fact, she called me to tell me that even though we had already agreed and planned for her to come up here and visit her grandchildren that she rarely sees, she's decided to fly to Florida instead and that maybe, just maybe, she would make it up here later in the summer. She hoped I would understand. Yep, I sure do! I definitely see where her priorities are and it's painfully obvious that they're not with her daughter, son in law, and grandchildren.

Since she's been in Florida, I've talked to her a few times. Most of the time she teases me for a few minutes that she has run off and married Skip. She thinks it's funny. I don't. I almost always find myself crying after we hang up. It's not a joke to me. If she wants to marry him, fine. I would prefer to meet him first. And I don't think that's too much to ask. I want to see him myself. See how they interact with one another. Make sure that he's reciprocating her feelings and this isn't a one sided relationship based on 30 years of heartbreak and what could have been's.

So, on to the 'change' part. The biggest change will be that my mom is in a relationship with a man for the first time in 30 years. That's a big deal. As I said before, I have never seen her with a man in a romantic setting. Ever. Well, at least not that I can remember. The next thing I have already seen changing is the way my mom interacts with me and my family. She's already blown us off for the summer. Yeah, she's not coming up later this summer (after she gets home from Florida) like she said when she changed the summer plans the first time. She said she would come up after she visited Florida. Come to find out, she's not leaving Florida as scheduled. She's skipping her flight all together and they're driving back to Ohio later this month. Yes, I said "they're". He's coming too. He's going to live with her for the school year. In my house. The house my mom rents from us. Without being married. And without asking us if that's ok.

Instead, she wants to come up and visit us for Thanksgiving. Ok, so, let's totally scrap the two weeks she promised in summer... when the kids most look forward to having her here... because it happens every summer... and let's trade it for a 4 day weekend when I'll spend most of the time cooking and cleaning, and traveling to pick up/drop off my stepkids. Oh, and let's not even ask if that's ok. Let's just make the plans and go ahead with it. Want to?

Do I sound a tad miffed? Hmmm... wonder why?

The Battle

4:12 am - Body wakes up. Thirsty and must pee.
4:13 am - Brain tries to convince Body to sleep through it.
4:14 am - Body doesn't want to hear it. Must. Pee. Now.
4:20 am - Body handles it's business and goes back to bed.
4:22 am - Brain starts talking.
4:30 am - Brain won't shut up.
4:40 am - Brain thinks it would be nice to hear some music.
4:41 am - Brain starts to play a little Stevie Wonder.
4:42 am - Body is starting to get miffed.
4:50 am - Body starts tossing and turning.
4:51 am - Brain is laughing. Turns up Stevie's microphone.

5:11 am - Body is still trying to shut brain up and return to the sweet bliss of slumber.
5:12 am - Brain ain't havin' it.
5:20 am - Body promises Brain a good book later if it will behave and SHUT UP.
5:21 am - Brain declines.
5:22 am - Brain decides to add a little Bruce Springsteen to the morning music mix.
5:24 am - Body wants to kill Brain.
5:25 am - Brain sends shooting pains to Body's left leg as a reminder of who is in control.
5:26 am - Body is now thoroughly pissed.

5:40 am - Body pleads with Brain to let it sleep.
5:41 am - Brain laughs maniacally and thinks it would be fun to add Barry Manilow to the party.

5:46 am - Body gives up, gets out of bed, and gets a blueberry muffin.
5:47 am - Brain is victorious.
5:50 am - Body hates Brain. Threatens to starve it to death.
5:54 am - Brain shoots Body in the leg. Again.

6:13 am - (time of this post) Body is fully awake. Brain is sleepy.
6:14 am - Body and Brain are both grumpy now. Oh happy day.

The Only Thing Certain Is Change (Part I)

Ain't that the truth?! Just when you go and get used to how things are, they change and you're forced to accept, adapt, and move on. Most of the time I'm pretty good with change. Change can be refreshing. Exciting. An improvement, even. Other times, not so much. Change can be scary. Intimidating. And, did I mention scary?

Like I said, most of the time, I'm pretty adaptable. Change doesn't ordinarily bother me or cause too big of a ruckus in my life. However, something in my life is changing and I'm really struggling with it.

Here's the story:

My parents divorced when I was just two. I saw my dad a handfull of times throughout my life and to this day have a strained relationship with him. For the majority of my life, it was always just my mom and me. We were buddies. Always together like Peas & Carrots. PB & J. Macaroni & Cheese. I think you get the point.

After my parents divorced, my mother dated a man named Skip for a while. I can't say how long because I was so young. I have a few vague memories of him but nothing too significant. I remember that I loved him and I remember that I missed him when he left.

Needless to say, after the divorce from my father and the painful breakup with Skip, my mother never remarried. She didn't want what had happened to her to happen to me. She was abused sexually and physically by her stepfather when she was a little girl. Throughout my childhood, and even until now, I never saw her with a man. She never dated. She never talked on the phone to any man.

She did spend the rest of her life, until this day, pining after Skip. I'm being totally honest when I say that she spoke of him often. Cried over him more than I care to remember. And prayed for him to come back to her more than is probably healthy for any human to do. Not that prayer isn't healthy, but you know what I mean. Anyways, for years and years, she loved this man with her whole heart.

She told me a story recently that when I was young - maybe 10 or so - I had called a friend of our family who remained in contact with Skip through the years. I had told this friend that I wanted her to call him and have him come back. It would be my mommy's birthday soon and I wanted to give her Skip as a gift. See? Even in my youth I was cooler than cool. ;) Kidding.

About a year and a half ago, my mom was up for a visit. We were sitting and talking, just the two of us, as we had done countless times before. She mentioned Skip's name... again. I saw the glimmer of hope in her eyes that maybe, just maybe, God would be gracious enough to grant her prayer. I don't know what came over me, but I picked up my laptop and did a search for him. I found his phone number and called him. While my mom sat staring at me in disbelief. I know. It was maybe the craziest thing I've ever done.

I told him I just wanted to see how he was after all these years. I told him a little about my life and that we live in Minnesota. I didn't share any contact information, or even my married name, and he didn't ask. It was a fairly short, but pleasant conversation as I could tell I had completely caught him off guard. After we hung up, I had a hard time convincing my mom that I had actually spoken with him. She thought I had played a horrible joke on her... because I do that often. Really.

I wrote his name and number on a piece of paper, folded it up, and handed it to her. I don't know why. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. After that moment, I figured it was done. I didn't expect to hear another word about it again.

That's exactly what happened until a few short months ago...

Here we gooooooooooo!

Yesterday, we closed on our home improvement loan. *screams* I almost can't believe it. We are so in debt right now I almost can't breathe. *chokes*

Here's the plan:

1. Finish cleaning up the basement from the demo we've already done.
2. Patch the rock walls down there to make sure there won't be any leaks.
3. Slather on the Dry-Lok... again for the leaky stuff.
4. Move up to the main floor --- remove all furnishings and put them on the 2nd floor.
5. Remove all carpeting. We'll just be rolling it all up and laying it back down when we're done... until we can afford to put in the flooring we really want.
6. Remove all drop ceilings and throw them away. I hate drop ceilings.
7. Remove all trim and baseboards making sure to label them so they can go right back where they were. Again, until we can afford to replace them with what we want.
8. Tear the heck out of the exterior walls - removing all sheetrock, plaster, lath and any remnants of insulation that are there.

Now, this is where it gets fuzzy for me. I don't know if we're blowing in the spray foam insulation and putting the walls back together on the main floor first, or if we're going to do steps 4 - 8 on the 2nd floor first. Regardless, you get the idea of what's going to be happening in my neck of the woods for the next several months. I know you're jealous. Try not to be.